Susie Dent

Hi Suz,

Nuckly here again....Just wanted to pick your lexicographical brains about a curiousity that occurred to me the other day while indulging in some World Cup reminiscences. For the full context (which I feel IS important):

This was around the time in '86 when Gary Lineker discovered the merits of playing with a cast on his arm as opposed to his foot, and the country was in a state of temporary euphoria, prior to Diego Maradona displaying his prowess at basketball, and latterly football in the Quarter Final. Like many a student wishing to earn a bit by doing what comes naturally, I was availing myself of the £10 (minimum)-a-dollop offer from a London Fertility Clinic (or as Students liked to call it, the "Bloomsbury Shankbank"), while at the same time avoiding depriving the world of the substantial skill sets conveyed in my gene-pool should the unthinkable happen ('Erk Alors!).

Anyway, having filled the forms out and given an introductory donation, I went away suitably unburdened, awaiting a valuation for future donations of my little marines. Later that afternoon I got a phone-call asking me to come in for a chat about my sample. Well, naturally I was anticipating some hard negotiating....talking turkey regarding remuneration for donating such prize stallions, when I walked in the door of the clinic, only to be directed to the waiting room outside the doctors' office.

My confidence was further enhanced when a very attractive receptionist offered a tray of inviting confectionery and steaming beverages, with the incantation "Jaffas for the Baron?"

Well, i'd never picked up a soubriquet that quickly before, and certainly not one referencing continental royalty. I thought my luck was in, and she was certainly smiling broadly enough. So, seeking to sustain the convivial pneuma further, I quipped "Cakes or Biscuits?".....Witty enough, I suppose, but her explosive state of apoplexy in response was really quite unexpected.

When she'd calmed down, she replied; "I dern't ner', (I think she was from east of the pennines)....'t'ain't stale yet"....she went on..."you'll 'av' t'tark t'doctor." Whereupon, right on queue, the office door opened and I was ushered in.

A rather taciturn, grey-haired figure sat before me, with all the august certificates of accreditation framing his physiognomy, on the wall behind......"Well Mr McWiddsle, I have to ask...Have you been drinking in the last 24 hrs, prior to submission?"

Slightly startled at the question, I replied, "Well actually, Yes."

"How Much?" The doctor went on in a rising state of irritation.

"Ah, only a couple of flagons of Budweiser." I replied, "They were having a lock-in at the Strand "Ye Olde Coal Hole" to celebrate completing renovation of the Elizabethan exterior. It was an Elizabethan theme-night you see....Honey-based beverages for the ladies, and Budweisers for the gents." I went on..."I think they were trying to put us in mind of what the kids had to drink in the days of "Merry England", you know.....when they didn't trust the water."

Surprisingly, the Doctors' irritation was tinged with a hint of relief...."Well that's something I suppose." He replied. "You see, we've had a look at your sample for motility, and frankly I've seen more life in a rock-pool off Sizewell B! Your marines are LAZY. I'll swear one of 'em was drinking sangria on a pedalo with a sign aroung his neck saying "I don't get out of bed for anyone but Michelle Pfeiffer""....Getting distinctly worked up at this point, he went on....."You students, you think you can come in here, off your tits, spraying your beans about with gay abandon and expect us to pay you for the privilege! Get Out!"

And with a guilty "I resemble that remark." I was on my way.

Anyway Susie, my question is.... Can you use apotrophes to indicate gaps in a linguistic amalgam as I did above, pretty much like word-putty? If so, it really is an impressive piece of kit!

PS Once some student friends got wind of my excursions, I started getting father's day cards, and did so or a few years afterwards. In fact I once had a nightmare involving being accosted by said friends, decked out as a Barbershop Acapella Ensemble. They were singing to me! It went something like...

"Happy, happy, happy Fathers' Day.
We're the men from the CSA.
We know you didn't get your end away,
But You've got to pay!
SHANKER, SHANKER, SHANKER, SHANKER!"

Scary....All that for a pint of Gold-Top!

Posted by nuckly428Reply0 02026-07-18 02:23 (edited 2026-07-19 01:02)  🛈  ⚠

Definitely a sweetheart. I'm sure she's a saucy minx when she wants to be, but I do whince a bit when they try to overtly "Juice this puppy up" post-watershed C4. Unstated looks of scholarly admonishment down her pince-nez would certainly loob-up my whistle, closer to the mark.

In the remote probability that the subjects of these fora actually read them, I have a question.....

Dear Susie,

Is it just me, or is the suffix "'ity" under attack from our New World cousins in their pursuit of an economy of syllables? I mean, "normalcy"....WTF is that when it's at home? Surely it's "normality" isn't it? (Just one extra syllable... It isn't too much is it?). Don't get me started on "filmic" (blllluuurrggghhhhh!).... cinematographic sounds so much nicer (4 extra syllables i'd grant you, but at least it doesn't sound like one's driving on one's handbreak down the f***ing motorway).

Concerned, Nuckly McWiddsle,
Nestle-On-The-Hard, Knaresborough,
Yorkshire.

Posted by nuckly428Reply0 02026-01-18 21:08  🛈  ⚠

Well done, Nuckly, for decrying our US 🇺🇸 'cousins' & their deliberate(?) ongoing mangling of OUR English 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿/🇬🇧 language. On the same general theme, that "Normality" IS a better word than 'Normalcy'... I ALSO abhor the growing trend to use the word, 'Multiple' as an adjective. Instead of the MUCH better alternative = "Several"!! As for 'Multiple' as a noun, it's simply a mathematical term eg. "9 is a Multiple of 3 (3×3)". Btw, Nuckly428, do you feel that Suzie D is ignoring the likes of us??! As I saw NO other linked reply, to your own of January this year: except for this 1 of mine!! Just saying! Best wishes: ciao for now ~ Rotanev123🤓🫡

Posted by Rotanev123Reply0 02026-04-30 14:34  🛈  ⚠

Gentle chiacking, I assure you, and not contemptuous obloquy. I'll certainly hold my hand up to pisstookery, and aping the starchy punctilious demeanour redolent of our cultural heritage (or rather, of the old style empire-officer-class therein) but I've always found adopting a position of lofty cultural hegemony over our New World offshoots or, in short, "Yank-bashing" a bit cliche', wide of the mark, and indeed often a crock of pigshit. Surveying the way in which a cultural artifact (ie the English Language) bifurcates, trifurcates and indeed.... ahem....multifurcates from a single historical source, when subject to the plenitude of diverse environmental pressures and influences evident around the world, is fascinating and moving in equal measure.

Although alluded to in a somewhat jocular fashion, and in a completely inappropriate forum, it is an important subject. The phenomenon of a vessel by which concepts, feelings and other aspects of our inner landscapes can be expostulated to the ether and reinternalised by our fellow creatures accurately shouldn't be taken lightly, it is after all what links us. And there's the rub.........As the internationally recognised functional language of business; English is uniquely vulnerable to a common-denominator-characterisation as a purely functional lexicon, subject to a composite-assembly approach to word-construction (including often transactional treatments of suffixes). To the appreciative native tongue, the English language is so much richer and more precise than this with respect to conceptual linkages.

On top of this, we see the advent of a spectacularly popular social media forum (Twitter / X) specifically limiting the number of characters available to achieve a conceptual connection between users. Such a powerful environmental "attractor" as X (and other social media fora) has simply got to be influencing the evolutionary trajectory of the English Language as a living, breathing linguistic organism, diminishing its ability to convey concepts precisely. This sounds a bit arch, i'll grant you, but you see the peripheral consequences in terms of "syllable-economics" all over the shop.

With respect to your last point, you cheeky chap, I suppose for a few femtoseconds I did harbour the subliminal hope of a vanity search on the part of that sweety, Susie D. However, surveying the moving pictogram, bottom-right of my screen - of a busty, bikini-clad Amazonian, massaging her prat with a 9-iron, returned me "back-in-the-room" as if by magic; it ain't that kind of website. When I say "room", it's more of a cave, containing a dartboard, X-box and scratching post for my hairy back.

Posted by nuckly428Reply0 02026-05-10 11:43 (edited 2026-05-10 21:49)  🛈  ⚠

you whince when she shows her cleavage?

Posted by gonnabetherehelloReply0 02026-04-30 20:18  🛈  ⚠

Bud, I don't know if you've ever seen the prog, but if the uninitiated were ever to ask of "8-Out-Of-10-Cats-Does-Countdown," (using the vernacular of Bill Hicks).....Will there be tiddy?.....The answer would have to be NO!.....Although one episode did depict some rather arresting, presenter-merch-based shenanigans, involving explicit doll-nudity, scissoring, fellatio, spit-roasting and something akin to construction of a human multistorey club sandwich a-la "cirque-du-soleil".

The point I was making was, (concerning her stint on daytime Countdown) part of the charm of SD resides in the projection of an innocent scholarly endeavour, with just a hint of laughter and mischief behind the eyes, coupled with an almost sympathetic demeanour towards Colin Murray; MCing the programming alongside SD and Rachel Riley. Don't get me wrong....she's a good sport on 8-out-of-10, and the programme itself is a pastiche of the daytime program, show-casing the wares of established and emerging comedic talents, but innocent it ain't, and I just can't picture her "shredding the velcro" of some hapless fireman at a Spearmint Rhino Hen-Party!

Grasshopper, I sense you are young, and early in your journey of enlightenment, but you will come to learn a very important lesson.....It ain't about the "T + A", it's about the smiles on their faces.

You young'uns.....youth is wasted on you. Your Best Bet is to keep it all working for when you've learnt the ways of the woo, and can fill yer boots with the fruits of your knowledge!.....Works for me Bud, Oh Yessss!

Posted by nuckly428Reply0 02026-05-10 12:49 (edited 2026-05-10 16:39)  🛈  ⚠

Nice Boobs & Legs 🔥😎👍

Posted by Peter12Reply1 02025-09-01 22:00  🛈  ⚠